So much bigger...

It's been one of those days...this is a good thing, because it was one of those days that has left me feeling joyful, full and very grateful. I've been trying for the last few hours to pinpoint what I should write about it and how I could possibly capture these emotions but it's all so much bigger than that.

Shortly after JNS and I got married, he indicated a strong interest in going back to business school. I would call my initial reaction to his aspiration "surface-level" supportive. At first glance, I knew it was a respectable path, but when he really wanted to talk about the possibility, I would shut down. The idea of b-school made me worry - after all, school is time consuming, costly and risky. Who wants to knowingly enter a change of lifestyle that results in a loss of income, security and predictability? I would think to myself...has he lost his mind? Does he not know that I am an insurance underwriter that analyzes risk? Has he any idea that I had my own plan for our finances and future? :) I'm sure you know where this is going...

Fast forward several months and JNS was studying for the GMAT (the test you must take to apply for b-school). He explained to me he was just taking the test. This didn't commit him to anything but it was good timing to at least sit for the exam. His score would be valid for 5 years and the further out of undergrad he goes, the harder it will be if he didn't go ahead and take the test. So I watched him study and in the meantime we started to talk about school. I still resisted the idea - I couldn't get on board with him quitting his job and going back full time. Somewhere along the way, I couldn't help but question if I was wrong/right about my position about school. I honestly didn't know if I was supposed to whole-heartedly support this desire of John Neal's or if I was supposed to be the voice of reason. I did something that I wish I could say I did more often... I directly asked God to guide my heart and help me to be the wife that John Neal needs...whatever that means. What happened over a matter of days is so much bigger than anything I could ever do...my heart literally transitioned and wanted to support this dream of b-school. So he took the exam and did well (not good enough for his own standards so he would take it again several months later) - we celebrated with dinner and we both felt this was a pivotal moment as we were committed to this adventure for his career/education.

I would typically classify myself as a worrier. This season of our life has not been immune to these human tendencies, but I must recognize that my faith has brought a sense of peace during the studying, application process, waiting period and discussions. There are countless references in the Bible to reasons why we shouldn't worry. I have found myself clinging to the belief that worry will accomplish nothing, AND even better, we have been given the ability and privilege to present our requests and desires to God. My natural instinct to worry is not gone, but what an amazing revelation to look back and see that during this process I have felt surprisingly calm. That's not Hailey...it is so much bigger than anything I could do.

And here we are, a few months after the application process, many months later from the GMAT studying and a year after God moved my heart to a place I couldn't get to alone. We just found out that John Neal got accepted to Emory - which has all along been both of our "secret" favorite. We have been praying that God will point us in the direction that he wants us in - and we thank Him because He has made this path for us abundantly clear. He has embraced us as we have leaned into Him on this journey in our lives. How cool it has been for us to acknowledge and truly experience that God, who is so much bigger, is in control of our lives...I am truly thankful that the Lord has shown us what reliance on Him and our faith can do for our relationship with Him, individually and in our marriage.

Hindsight is supposedly 20/20...I don't know if I agree with this, because sometimes I don't think we'll always know why things were done a certain way or how things get where they do. But I do know that I can credit this season of life as a time of growth, faith and strength. My patience was pushed to the limits (as most of us will admit, the Williams family was not equipped with a great deal of patience...), my faith has been increased (God wants us to know His plan is not always easy, but it is best for us) and my joy is overflowing!

I am grateful for this experience - I could not be MORE proud of my hubby or MORE excited about the fun that lies ahead of us. I'm so thankful that we can trust God (who is so much bigger than anything we can do or be) with all that is to come. :)

A big thank you to all those who have been praying with us and for us...we could not have gone through this without each one of our family members and friends. I realize this was incredibly long and there were zero pictures - but I wanted to share the good news from both today and the whole journey. God is good. Love you all!